Funny Mottos, funny quotes and phrases.

“If the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts.”
Albert Einstein


“It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.”
Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere’s Fan, 1892, Act I¨


“The face your born with is the one God gave you. Your face at 50 is the one you gave yourself.”
Mrs. Toms


“I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.”
Rodney Dangerfield


“I just don trust to anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die. ”
South Park


“Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was ‘shut up.'”
Joe Namath


“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.”
Will Rogers


“The golden rule of work is that the bosses jokes are ALWAYS funny.”
Robert Paul


“People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.”
Ellen DeGeneres


“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.”
Lana Turner


“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.”
Ron White


“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
Jim Carrey


“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to fell all day.”
Frank Sinatra


“Sometimes you’re the windshield, sometimes you’re the bug!”


“I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.”


“A fool is a 37th floor window washer who steps backs to see his work.”


“If you can smile when things go wrong , you have someone in mind to blame.”


“When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.”


“When everything comes your way you’re in the wrong lane.”


“If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.”


“If you can’t convince them, confuse them…”


“Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.”


“You’re never too old to learn something stupid.”


“In order to get a loan, you first need to prove that you don’t need it.”


“I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers.”


“Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.”


 Famous mottos, phrases, proverbs and slogans.

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